Windy Wonderings

It is one of those infamous windy nights in Lethbridge, AB and I am wide awake as the rest of my household sleeps soundly. I'm not sure why but the sound of the wind has always bothered me and so alas, here I am, a quarter after one in the morning with far too much time on my hands to think. As I am new to blogging, I'm not really sure how to start this, but lying in bed on this windy evening, with the sound of trees scratching against my house, baby coo's from down the hall, and the rhythmic breathing of her daddy next to me, I was struck with the urge to start writing. I've always been able to express myself best through written word and tonight my mind was filled with thoughts that I felt needed to be released from their chaotic and frenzied prison. So forgive me, those who read this, for what may seem like jumbled ramblings as I attempt to organize my thoughts.

Since joining the wonderful and often wild world of mommyhood, I've discovered many things about myself. I believe that God is using my daughter to grow me and shape me into the woman He wants me to be. My beautiful daughter came as a surprise to me, but she was most definitely part of His plan all along and her timing was divine. I know this because I am beginning to see how God is using her to show me Himself. I've seen Jehovah-Jireh, in the many surprising and fantastic ways He has provided for my family with the addition of a baby, and I am learning to see Him as Jehovah-Shalom (the Lord is peace). He is my rest and my peace, when my world is disordered and hectic.

I've learnt that I am selfish to the core, something I didn't really understand about myself until having a child. Becoming a mommy has required me to put my daughter's needs above my own, no matter how tired, hungry, cranky (insert adjective here) I am. I believe I am at last truly learning how to love, though I know this will be an ongoing lesson that will continue to be refined throughout my life. One of my favorite authors, Anne Voskamp, in her book 1000 Gifts, writes about thanksgiving and finding God in the everyday mundane. I'm slowly learning what this means, though I know it will take much practice. So tonight as I pulled my achy body out of bed for the second time and stood over my daughter's crib soothing her back to sleep, I thanked Him for the opportunity to cuddle my precious gift. I thanked Him for muscles that ached, letting me know that I had used them well. I thanked Him for a husband that worked hard all day and came home happy. And I thanked Him for being the God of the winds.

"And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’” Zechariah 13:9 ESV 

Refine me O Lord!